Women are feeling insecure in their relationships
Whether those relationships are romantic, platonic, or professional, the anxiety they're feeling is causing them to play small.
But there is a way to go from people-pleasing, and fearing rejection to having less fear and anxiety.
Let me guess: Sometimes you feel confident, empowered, and even brave. Like it doesn’t really matter what someone else — your boss or a new love interest —thinks of you.
But a lot of the time, you’re avoiding tough conversations and feeling dread at the slightest hint someone might not be happy with you.
Have you ever wondered WHY it sometimes feels like you have two different brains—one that’s a powerhouse of confidence and one that shakes like a leaf at setting boundaries?
There IS an explanation (keep reading).
You probably feel like it’s your job to keep everyone happy. And it’s NOT because there’s something wrong with you.
Spoiler alert: Feeling like you need to know that everyone approves of you at all times is patriarchal conditioning.
It's not a coincidence that:
- Women in particular are prone to placing everyone above themselves — leading to relationship anxiety and exhaustion.
- Most women struggle with anxiety and people-pleasing because they're secretly worried that they won't be seen as valuable if they don't take care of everyone and everything around them.
- Women speak up for themselves less, and generally are more likely to feel disempowered in their own lives and relationships (especially if they are women of color, fat women, alternately-abled women, or part of any other disadvantaged group).
And, while it might feel like you’re fundamentally flawed because you just can’t stop worrying what other people think of you…
…the truth is this:
Sexism has gotten inside your brain. And it’s no wonder! Society has taught you how to think in ways that diminish, objectify, and devalue you.
You think things like “if they don’t text me back right away, they’re probably mad at me.”
And it seems like these are YOUR thoughts. But they aren’t!
They are messages from a patriarchal poison bottle that you don’t
know how to recognize or change.
And what happens?
- You struggle with yet another new love interest who seems on the fence about starting a relationship.
- You don’t ask for help, negotiate higher salary, or address conflict because you don’t want to “rock the boat.”
- You stay in relationships that aren’t working for way too long.
- You care more about what other people think than what you think, even of yourself.
- You play small so you don’t upset others.
You’re smothering your authentic self and desires again and again and again, all to win some supposed “prize”.
And when that so-called prize never comes…what do we do to feel better?
We spend money and time on sh*t that doesn’t help us actually feel differently in the long run.
Listen, I love a good splurge at Sephora as much as anyone else. But a new lipstick isn’t going to magically make me feel less insecure on a first date or more confident at work when the real problem is my thought that I’m not worthy unless I’m making everyone happy. Right? Right.
YOU are not the problem.
You, me, all of us are simply living in a world that teaches us that other people are more important than we are, no matter what.
So, we're afraid to ever put ourselves first because we're afraid it will make us arrogant or selfish.
But the reality is that learning to be confident and deeply comfortable with yourself
does NOT make you self-obsessed.
In fact, it clears up valuable brain real estate to get ultra clear, immensely focused, and shut out what’s between you and feeling calm and empowered to create the kind of relationships you’ve always dreamed of.
The challenge is in doing the thought work required to make the above feel second nature.
It’s time for YOU to join the feminist mindset revolution, get a handle on your thoughts, and feel secure in your relationships.
Welcome to
An online monthly feminist coaching program
The Clutch teaches you how to liberate yourself from the inside out. And the results look like:
- Not basing your worth on what others think of you. (Because you feel confident in prioritizing your own needs and setting and keeping healthy boundaries that foster loving connections.)
- Not wondering if you’re “doing enough” for others. (Because you know there aren’t gold stars for sacrificing your own well being for others. You know how to set boundaries like a pro.)
- No longer fighting to overcome your nerves when you need to have a tough conversation with a romantic partner. (Because you’re so deeply secure in yourself you know you can navigate conflict.)
- Not caring if your boss is happy with you. (Because you are 100% happy with yourself and you don’t need to control what other people think about you in order to sleep at night.)
- Not feeling guilty as a working mom. (Because you know you’re doing an amazing job at work and at home, and you’re able to be present and enjoy each part of your life while you’re in it.)
- Not caring if other people think you are too loud, too much, too opinionated, too independent, or too badass. (Because you are all those things. And if people think you’re “too much” they can always go find less.)
Allow me to peel back the curtain and show you how the Clutch helps you make it happen!
Here’s everything you get inside the Clutch
EXPERT TRAINING & COURSES
Each month, you'll unlock a new in-depth course of your choosing. From Friendship & Social Anxiety, to Work & Money, to Self Love & Self Acceptance, you'll pick and choose how you want to continue to rewire your brain and transform your life.
LIVE COACHING CALLS EVERY MONTH
You can participate (and get coached!) in LIVE monthly coaching calls with Kara. Our Clutch Coaches also host weekly model calls so you can be supported as you work through your thoughts and deprogram the patriarchy.
THE FEMINIST MINDSET FIX
Discover how to use a simple and life-changing self-coaching process to deprogram the patriarchy, build new thoughts that actually serve you, and create any change you want in your life.
BIPOC-ONLY COACHING CALLS
The patriarchy and how we're socialized affects everyone, but the BIPOC community deals with additional layers of racism and socialization. That’s why we provide 1 call per month where BIPOC Clutch members can access safe and intimate coaching.
ON-DEMAND EXPERT GUIDANCE
Get coaching support when and where you need it. Pop into Ask the Clutch Coaches to post your question and a coach will reply. You can also search topics to see responses to other chickens who may have had a similar question or challenge.
THE EXCLUSIVE CLUTCH FACEBOOK COMMUNITY
24/7 access to a Facebook community of like-minded women, who are all committed to evolution, growth, and empowerment and are excited to trade ideas, discuss this work, and help you apply it to your own life.
Joining the Clutch gives you structure, accountability, and consistency in managing your mind — and that will uplevel your relationships and your whole life.
when i taught this work in a small group program, the investment started at $10,000. But you’ll pay only a fraction of that.
Join the Clutch now for just $97 per month.
Yeah, you read that right. Just $97 per month that you can cancel any time (though, you won’t want to).
In short, It’s going to be your favorite place on the Internet as soon as you join.
So if I were you, I’d smash that join button now!
BONUS: Get access as soon as you join to the full Relationship Anxiety Solution. There are two tracks to choose from!
Dating & Romantic Relationships
Take this track if you find most of your relationship anxiety is around romantic relationships.
Walk away feeling like you know how to:
- Communicate your expectations, boundaries, and needs.
- Manage your thoughts around anxiety which can help you navigate swiping, messaging, and first dates with more ease.
- Feel so comfortable with yourself that having the tough conversations with a partner or potential partner are easier to manage.
Join the Clutch and take the Dating & Romantic Relationship track now!
Friendship & Social Anxiety
Choose this track if you struggle mostly in social situations, platonic relationships (like a boss or colleague), or in groups.
Walk away feeling like you know how to:
- Show up as your authentic self in any setting because you're not worried what anyone else thinks about you.
- Kindly turn down plans (because you know overextending yourself actually does you and everyone else a disservice).
- Stop second-guess every single thing you say or do — because who and how you are isn’t what needs to change, it’s just your thoughts that need work.
Join the Clutch and take the Friendship & Social Anxiety track now!
Normally, these courses are only available after you’ve been in the Clutch for one month. But, if you join today you’ll get it immediately!
Join The Clutch for just $97!
Choose which Relationship Anxiety Track you want to take, then you’ll be directed to the checkout form to fill in your information and sign up for the Clutch. The course you choose will automatically be unlocked once you join.
As a reminder, here’s EVERYTHING you get inside The Clutch
EXPERT TRAINING & COURSES
LIVE COACHING CALLS EVERY MONTH
The Feminist Mindset Fix
BIPOC-only coaching calls
On-demand expert guidance
The exclusive Clutch Facebook Community
BONUS: Instant access to the Relationship Anxiety track of your choosing.
I used to only teach this work in a small group setting with a
minimum investment of $10,000, but you’ll pay only a fraction of that
when you join the Clutch today.
Total Cost: just $97 per month
Choose which Relationship Anxiety Track you want to take, then you’ll be directed to the checkout form to fill in your information and sign up for the Clutch. The course you choose will automatically be unlocked once you join.
What’s it like to be a member of the Clutch? Here's a month-by-month preview of your future.
After ONE month in the Clutch you’ll notice:
- You’re inviting in everything that comes with your relationships because you know how to set boundaries and enjoy all of the good while navigating the difficult.
- You just feel a bit more…chill.
- Your emotions aren’t so much of a rollercoaster.
- You’re a little nicer to yourself.
- You’re spending less time scrolling Instagram feeling bad about yourself.
After TWO months in the Clutch you’ll realize:
- It’s been a while since you took sh*t personally.
- You just feel less judgmental of yourself and everyone around you.
- You don’t get freaked out when something unexpected happens.
- You have more patience with yourself and those around you.
- You catch your reflection in the mirror and surprise yourself by thinking “Damn, looking good!”
After THREE months in the Clutch:
- Your brain starts coaching itself.
- You show up at work as the badass you always knew you could be.
- You’re naturally and effortlessly thinking more positive, productive, and helpful thoughts. And when you look back at your thoughts from month 1, you don’t even recognize some of them anymore.
- You show up in your personal life as the magnetic, loving, and happy woman you always wanted to be.
- You’re actually excited for the future, because you are so proud of the work you’ve already done that you can’t wait to find out where managing your mind and the Clutch are going to take you next!
And after that…
The sky’s the limit!
And the one thing you know for sure is that the Clutch will be there to help you get wherever you want to go.
The Clutch is the community of women you didn’t know existed. Once you join in, you’ll wonder how you’ve lived without it for so long.
AND it’s packed with all of the resources you need to truly unf*ck your brain, prioritize what’s most important to you, and show up as your best self.
Join The Clutch for just $97!
Choose which Relationship Anxiety Track you want to take, then you’ll be directed to the checkout form to fill in your information and sign up for the Clutch. The course you choose will automatically be unlocked once you join.
One of the best parts of the Clutch is the diversity inside the community.
Meet the mind behind the feminist mindset thought work program, the Clutch!
Hi, I’m Kara. One thing I know is that women and people socialized as women are only going to be able to create true freedom when we truly feel free.
Not just intellectually, but emotionally.
Not just in theory, but in reality too.
I know this because I lived it!
I went to the fanciest of schools (Harvard and Yale, in fact). I marched in all the protests, I racked up every brass ring that was out there for me (hello judicial clerkship, academic fellowships, and feminist awards).
And I still felt terrible.
- I pretended to be confident but I was horribly anxious at any sign that anyone might be displeased with me.
- I claimed conventional marriage was outdated but was desperate for a romantic relationship to validate me so I could just feel normal.
- I knew that the media was making me feel terrible about my body but I couldn’t stop hoping that if I just lost 20 pounds all my dreams would come true.
Eventually, in my quest to feel better (and let’s be honest, to “fix” myself because I still thought I needed fixing), I discovered life coaching.
I got certified as a life coach, and then as a master coach, by the best coaching school in the world.
The tools I was learning to shift my thought patterns helped, and I started to help other women with their minds.
And then I saw it.
I realized that the thought patterns my clients were bringing to me weren’t isolated. They weren’t accidental. They weren’t random.
They were a product of the patriarchy.
They followed specific patterns that matched how women are socialized and taught to think about themselves.
And yet every woman coming to me thought that she was different. They thought they were crazy. They thought they were alone.
But they weren’t. They, like all women and people who identify as women, were simply caught in thought cycles imposed by a system that benefits from keeping them stuck, spinning their wheels and doubting themselves.
That’s when I realized that women deserve SO much more than feel good affirmations.
Instead, we ALL need concrete effective help getting negative social messages out of our brains for good.
I recreated all of my coaching tools using a feminist lens and tested them on my own brain.
They blew my mind, and my clients started breaking through to levels of confidence, self-love, and joy they had always imagined were possible for other women…but not for them.
Knowing intellectually about sexism doesn’t translate into self-acceptance or self-love. Because the women’s rights movement is a work in progress.
The Clutch is another step toward liberation. It starts with our own brains.
That’s why I’m inviting you to join me and a community of amazing peers in this one-of-a-kind program.
See you in there,
Kara
As a reminder, here’s EVERYTHING you get inside The Clutch
EXPERT TRAINING & COURSES
LIVE COACHING CALLS EVERY MONTH
The Feminist Mindset Fix
BIPOC-only coaching calls
On-demand expert guidance
The exclusive Clutch Facebook Community
BONUS: Instant access to the Relationship Anxiety track of your choosing.
I used to only teach this work in a small group setting with a
minimum investment of $10,000, but you’ll pay only a fraction of that
when you join the Clutch today.
Total Cost: just $97 per month
Choose which Relationship Anxiety Track you want to take, then you’ll be directed to the checkout form to fill in your information and sign up for the Clutch. The course you choose will automatically be unlocked once you join.
Self-coaching has given me deep love and compassion for myself.
It's empowering to be in the company of such strong, intelligent women from around the world – all dealing with similar thoughts and challenges.
I don’t think it matters how old you are to start working on yourself – in fact the earlier the better! I’m 22 now and I’m so grateful every day to have discovered this work when I did because it used to feel like every day was a struggle, and now I’m actually excited by uncertainty (isn’t that crazy!!).
A huge part of why this work is so effective is knowing that you’re not alone and it’s empowering to be in a group of such intelligent and strong women from all around the world. A lot of the time people will bring up things that you can 100% relate to and so (1) you realize you’re not the only one going through this, (2) you get insight on something you might have been too afraid to bring up, and (3) nobody is here to judge you. Even better, you also realize that by sharing your story and working through your thoughts, you might also be helping someone else.
Tempted to join but worried about how you'll find time to work through all these amazing resources?
Listen, I know, you have a lot on your plate already. But here’s what I can promise you:
When you don’t know how to say no, when you take on things you don’t want to do out of guilt and obligation, when you’re constantly worried about your own worth and what other people think of you, know what happens?
You feel exhausted and overwhelmed, all the time.
The Clutch is the answer to that problem.
Truly my love, it’s a no-brainer. I can’t wait to see you inside.
Join The Clutch for just $97!
Choose which Relationship Anxiety Track you want to take, then you’ll be directed to the checkout form to fill in your information and sign up for the Clutch. The course you choose will automatically be unlocked once you join.
The Clutch helped me see my interaction in the world in a new way – LIFE CHANGING!
Watching others get coached shows me I'm not alone. The Clutch is inspiring!
As a reminder, here’s EVERYTHING you get inside The Clutch
EXPERT TRAINING & COURSES
LIVE COACHING CALLS EVERY MONTH
The Feminist Mindset Fix
BIPOC-only coaching calls
On-demand expert guidance
The exclusive Clutch Facebook Community
BONUS: Instant access to the Relationship Anxiety track of your choosing.
I used to only teach this work in a small group setting with a
minimum investment of $10,000, but you’ll pay only a fraction of that
when you join the Clutch today.
Total Cost: just $97 per month
Choose which Relationship Anxiety Track you want to take, then you’ll be directed to the checkout form to fill in your information and sign up for the Clutch. The course you choose will automatically be unlocked once you join.
Got questions about The Clutch?
I’ve got answers!
We have an entire library of curated courses that will allow you to focus on the things that interest you most. We have courses on body image, relationships, money, time management and productivity, and more.
Most importantly you will be learning tools that will help you manage your mind around anything that comes up for you.
As long as you’re at least 18 years old – yes! It is never too late (or too early) to begin thought work and change your life.
Relationships with others — romantic, platonic, and professional — will always require work.
But, with the Clutch, you have somewhere to go. You have a community and culture of practice and a space to work on your mind—so you’re confident in yourself and your ability to navigate any challenge.
The Clutch is for YOU! Anytime. Anywhere. For anything.
Feminism and thought work isn’t just about being a better individual (though you will experience huge growth)! It’s about being part of a movement.
Join us won’t you?
As a reminder, here’s EVERYTHING you get inside The Clutch
EXPERT TRAINING & COURSES
LIVE COACHING CALLS EVERY MONTH
The Feminist Mindset Fix
BIPOC-only coaching calls
On-demand expert guidance
The exclusive Clutch Facebook Community
BONUS: Instant access to the Relationship Anxiety track of your choosing.
I used to only teach this work in a small group setting with a
minimum investment of $10,000, but you’ll pay only a fraction of that
when you join the Clutch today.
Total Cost: just $97 per month
Choose which Relationship Anxiety Track you want to take, then you’ll be directed to the checkout form to fill in your information and sign up for the Clutch. The course you choose will automatically be unlocked once you join.